Must I Tell My Partner I Have HPV?
You definitely should tell your partner if you have been diagnosed with HPV. Open, honest communication about STDs is an important conversation that will open the door to your partner sharing any STD diagnosis of their own. This will give you the opportunity to protect yourself as well. In addition, the vast majority of couples find that honest communication about sensitive topics brings them closer together.
First, remember that having HPV does not mean you have done anything wrong. As mentioned above, most sexually active people are likely to be exposed to HPV at some point, though most never have visible symptoms and remain unaware. Having HPV simply means you, like so many others, have been exposed to a common virus. It is not a reflection on you, your character, or your values, and conversations with partners should not be viewed as making a "confession" or offering an "apology". There is the possibility that your partner will be upset at first. Give them time to adjust, and remember that if they reject you on the basis of having HPV alone, you probably would have had serious problems in the relationship even without this issue present. Strong relationships are built on honest communication and trust.
If you don't tell, you will face a lot of anxiety about keeping something from your partner. You will worry about when they might discover they have HPV too. The longer you wait, the harder it gets to do. And, secrecy creates distance in relationships. So the best thing is to muster up your courage, and choose a good time to talk when your partner isn't busy with something else, and not just as you are about to have sex.
Because your partner is likely to have questions, it's important to be well-prepared before you start any conversation about HPV. One of the most important aspects of coping with HPV, and helping partners develop a good understanding of the virus, is getting factual information and avoiding myths and hype. Here are some facts so you'll be ready:
• HPV is not completely understood. It's the most common STD. Researchers believe that as many as three out of four sexually active people will get at least one of the 30 sexually transmitted strains at some point in their lives. It's transmitted by direct skin-to-skin contact with an infected area during sexual activity -- including genital rubbing and oral, vaginal or anal sex -- whether or not symptoms are present. Therefore, putting on a condom before any contact takes place can help reduce the chance of infection. Once transmitted, the virus can take weeks, months or years to manifest. But HPV is often more of a nuisance than a danger. Some types cause genital warts; others cause cell changes on a woman's cervix. But it's also possible to have the virus and be symptom-free.
• HPV is usually diagnosed when a genital wart appears or if a woman tests positive for it through a cervical screening. (You can be tested specifically for the types of HPV commonly associated with cervical cancer, which if caught early, treated as necessary and monitored as recommended, need not lead to cancer.) Otherwise, it's very difficult for you to detect. The good news is that the majority of infections eventually go away on their own.
After you explain all this, your partner will want to know what this means to him or her. Your partner needs to know that they already may have it, and that they can transmit it to others. The strict use of condoms can help reduce the chance of transmission. You can also suggest some internet resources for current, accurate information about HPV. A good resource is this page on the Centers for Disease Control at this website. They provide trustworthy information you and your partner can count on. The American Social Health Association also has qualityHPV relationship information
